"GIB OR BE GIBBED" -- scrawled in blood on the lockers of the UAC training center

somewhere in the bowels of the UAC...

Mission Briefing

the rocket launcher has been retired. No I am not sorry. not enough "kick". you now have access to some of the most destructive weapons ever known to man. 

these include the AA12 autoshotgun with explosive shell option , more commonly used for crowd control in the outer regions, now standard for every colonial marine who steps into a slipgate.

the M60 machine gun can take down a shambler coming at you full tilt in about 3.5 seconds. if it's close enough that is. this beast has got recoil that will knock down the biggest CM.

of course every marine is now issued two types of incendiary weapons: the Blaze Mark II and the Flamethrower X2, aka the Big Frickin' Flamethrower, or BFF. Excellent.

the obliterator can launch four high velocity 2nd generation missiles a second. the main drawback is accuracy. with this high rate of fire you have to accept random course changes in the projectile. it will impact in the general direction you're aiming 75% of the time

"take good care of your MMAW, and your MMAW will take good care of you" heh heh heh. My MMAW always brings a smile to my face. launch this bitch and she will expel 30 miniature explosives warheads in the general area. but don't let their size fool you. each one is capable of bringing down a small number grunts or rotts

plasma gun, Nailgun Mark II, three types of machine guns, multiple variations on the shotgun, including single and double barreled models that fit in each hand: this is all stuff we've seen before.

now to the good stuff

every CM now has access to the MIRV Mark II, affectionately nicknamed "Death's Head". upon reaching apogee, this f*cker will let loose nine warheads each with a large area of impact capable of clearing a small room of low to mid level enemies. Stupendous.

when a CM is in range of any colonial warship in orbit, he has access to two types of bombardment devices. one will take a large hit to his cell energy reserves, the other will consume them all. the napalm is a line of ten explosive charges similar to the death's head, but what i like is the Orbital Bombardment. this overlarge, excessively tremendous, SoB will clear out any room anywhere. unfortunately in larger areas it knocks the level 5 monsters (they do exist) out of range with initial impact, so it's near useless against them in open areas. HOWEVER, if you can shore up a bunch of those rat f*ck mother scratchers under open sky with no place to go, this is your best friend. HAH! GIBALICIOUS!

if not, you can always spend one third of your rocket reserves on this, la coop deh grass, the Doomsday Device. No one even knows what the inventor originally named it. No one will take credit for it because of them bastard pacifist tree hugger homos--they'll string him up by his testes whoever it is if they ever find out. no one believed we could do it, but we did. not just a nuke, not just three nukes, but three 2nd generation nuclear warheads (cuz four would screw with time and space or somesuch), each with multiple secondary explosions emanating from the center. HAH! GIB NASTY! HAHAHAHAHAHA

also keep an eye out for a rumored super weapon the monsters have laid their claws on: multiple modes, incendiary, explosive, instant hit. sounds delightful

quake's also rumored to be developing 3rd and 4th generation artifacts which can come in handy on the battlefield. his monsters are still too damn stoooopid to take advantage of these, BUT THANK THE MAKER, YOU ALL ARE SMARTER THAN MEAT!

MISSION
ok now the boring sh*t. every world is infested, or going to be. you will be starting off with the double shotgun, blaze 2, double grenade launcher and a number of associated weapons to restore the peace. sounds easy huh? it would have been, but what do you think that bastard has been doing while we've been upgrading?

he's experimented. he's augmented. he's recruited. you will now be facing an untold number of monstrosities, some bigger and uglier than that abomination i call my wife, but not half as mean

meet the armagon. you've seen him before. with your new arsenal he's just a worthless bitch. exactly. he's level 4. level 4's now come en masse. that's right. "en masse" means "large groups will turn you to tomato paste" for you retards. but he was a slow bitch. the phantom is not, but he's just as tough. the super soldier has a beam laser stronger than the lightning gun you meat sacks used to carry around. plus a rocket launcher. the shambler comes in two varieties. the melee shambler you can hardly see till he's right up on you. now he's got a big brother. avoid tangling mano a mano with brother shambler at all costs. remember the scourge? his nails will now stick to and bury into your ugly ass. his big brother will fire multiple rockets at you till you're past dead. the baal is a demon that' s immune to fire. the cyborg is a level 3 who won't stop firing once he finds you till you or him is dead. standard level 1 knights have also received an upgrade. they now will hit you EN MASSE and with speed.

what about the "recruiting" you ask? well, the first thing i can say is, Duke, I'm damn glad you're back and on our side. Duke here was kidnapped and the enemy managed to clone him and attach machine guns to the clones. Duke had a good time saving mother earth from invasion some years ago. well quake's managed a downhome country reunion with Duke's favorite alien bastards. sorry no babes this time Duke. other rumored monsters include human clones of quake's favorite tv characters, just for fun.

Level 5 monsters do exist. I will repeat myself. LEVEL 5 MONSTERS ARE REAL. REAL GOOD AT TURNING COLONIAL MARINE WONDER SCHLONGS INTO MEAT PATTIES! What is a level 5? Think 16 times stronger than the classic shambler. Except faster and with more destructive attacks, both ranged and melee. the big brother shambler i mentioned before will turn you to LOYAL FIDO ROADKILL in one swipe, unless you're unlucky. i wouldn't want to survive that kind of awesomeness. Deep Blue will not only blast you from a distance, get too close and he'll crush you. some of you are unlucky enough to have survived the Cyberdemon. well he's back, and he's brought friends. these are level 5's. ask duke about the Cycloid Emperor. yeah, he's back too. 

what are you jerks moaning about? you sorry maggots are more than prepared for anything! NO CRYING! NO CROUCHING! STAND UP AND GIB LIKE THE SQUARE JAWED MEN THAT YOU ARE! 

End of Briefing